


First-Hand Experience

by mocha_sun



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: (did i seriously not have that in there yet?), (not the main focus but it's still an important thing), (sort of? its sweet-voice induced), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Black Mesa Sweet Voice, Blood/Violence Mention, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Violence, Eldritch Tommy!, Foreshadowing, Heavy Angst, Kidnapping, M/M, Mind Control, Minor Character Death, Missing Persons, Not A Game AU, Other, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Premonitions, medication mentions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mocha_sun/pseuds/mocha_sun
Summary: It's been more than four months since the Resonance Cascade and everyone is relatively fine, as fine as anyone can get with severe PTSD from a disaster big enough that it took a week to escape. All things considered, the extended Science Team is doing pretty well.Except for the fact that at some point, Gordon disappears without a warning, and the Science Team now has to figure out the why, when, and where's. And of course, get their leader back.~~~~~Author's note but in summary so people see it: It'll get dark but there will also be bonding and breaks from conflict, everyone in the main cast will be okay by the end (relatively). There'll be a good end, I'm sorry for hurting the funny science men they will get breathers and soda.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold
Comments: 36
Kudos: 68





	1. Waiting For The Hammer To Fall

**Author's Note:**

> here's what I called this when I first wrote my idea for it down:  
> I Hurt Gordon AU (not as a self-insert but as author).  
> It will live up to that and its Mature rating so if you prefer fluff and not angst and hurt/comfort and tons of severe emotional turmoil and also graphic descriptions of violence and unethical science, please go read one of my other fics I don't want to make ppl uncomfortable so here's your ahead-of-time warning. I will still put more specific content/trigger warnings in the notes before each chapter! and slightly more general ones in the tags each time I add a chapter.  
> I hope I don't come off as an ass for writing this, this style's just a bit easier for me (personal reasons), and this is not Quite a character study for me but just like, a method of digging deeper and playing around with my imagination and writing skills and the characters' personalities. It's. writing. idk hhhhhhhhhhh
> 
> That's all! please take care and enjoy! comment if you wanna, or visit me on my tumblr (sun-needs-sleep)! *blows u a kiss* /p  
> Currently beta read by: Vice (ig: vice_versa_virtue) [ch.1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> " You don't waste no time at all  
> Don't hear the bell but you answer the call  
> It comes to you as to us all  
> Yeah, we're just waiting  
> For the hammer to fall, yeah "  
> [Queen; Hammer To Fall]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't quite a prologue, but it's an intro chapter.  
> No content warnings except slight PTSD mentions and definitely people having unexplainable bad feelings about the near future. Premonitions or whatever.  
> The summary is a part from Hammer To Fall because my notes for this chapter had that phrase and I carried it over to the title and then thought about oh hey Queen has a song called that, I'm going to put that as the summary :) there's no fancy correlation between songs and the story, sorry guys, I'm not smart enough to figure out how to do that :(

Four months have passed since the shitshow after the Resonance Cascade. Black Mesa is a wreck, and every member of the extended Science Team (that is, Gordon, Coomer, Tommy, Bubby, Benrey [absent], and Darnold) were explicitly let off, which came as a surprise because all of them had assumed that the company was effectively shut down, given the whole “the aliens we were studying swarmed the facility and killed most of our employees” deal. That said, they  _ had _ been left with a hefty amount of severance pay, so all of them decided not to question it. Somehow the money had felt like a threat, a payoff for their silence.

Tommy, Gordon, and Darnold decided together that they would be more comfortable living near each other, and took some time to find a nice, calm apartment complex, settling on one building and taking their pick out of the apartments being sold. They had a nice array to choose from, the complex was relatively new and relatively pricey, and after a week of mulling their options over, the trio had taken their picks. Tommy and Darnold moved into neighboring apartments on the third floor, facing the city in the distance. Gordon had moved in on the fifth floor, though his apartment was facing the forest behind the array of buildings. 

While Dr. Coomer and Bubby had opted out of joining the other three in the apartment building, they had a good reason for it. They found an average-sized two-story house, farther from the city but only a fifteen-minute drive away (five by Bubby’s record, but his account was not particularly trustworthy or safe). Their reasoning was soon explained when the other three visited for the first time, a couple of weeks after they all moved into their respective new dwellings. The Boomers’ backyard was what could only be described as a blast pit, scorch marks scarring the ground and trees that hadn’t been in the radius of the huge, messy crater in the center of the backyard. The couple reassured Tommy, Darnold, and Gordon that they weren’t doing anything dangerous to any neighbors, simply “sparring”, as Dr. Coomer put it. He then invited them to come over whenever they needed some space for whatever activities couldn’t be contained within an apartment complex, as long as they gave a warning ahead of time, so they could “make a day out of it”. 

About a week later, almost exactly a month after the final confrontation with Benrey, the one and only suddenly popped into existence on Tommy’s couch and, instantly falling off, knocked a few things off the coffee table, with perplexed cursing that added to the mess of abrupt noise. Tommy, Gordon, and Darnold had gotten the living shit scared out of them, rushing in from the kitchen to figure out the source of the commotion. A tense conversation had followed, and it was decided that Benrey would stay with Tommy, as that seemed to make everyone the most comfortable. And that was that, the Science Team was complete once again.

As more time gradually passed, all of them progressed with their lives. They got therapists and medications to help them with the inevitable PTSD. They worked out some relationships; Dr. Coomer and Bubby got engaged, finally, Benrey and Gordon slowly talked things out and eased into a kind-of tense friendship, and Tommy and Darnold started dating, having found a significant amount of common interests. Gordon also spent some time working things out with his ex, and soon they had settled on a schedule. Gordon would have Joshua for a week every two weeks, helping him learn what material he’d be missing in school every time. 

Even more time passed, and they all found new interests, or revamped old ones, an almost desperate need to stay busy having been instilled in them by the post-traumatic stress. Tommy spends his time playing with Sunkist, going on dates/hanging out with Darnold, and playing video games with Benrey. Darnold arranged a laboratory in his apartment, and got back to his mixology research, no longer dictated by Black Mesa; he also adopted a large maine coon cat that wandered between Tommy and Darnold’s apartments freely and was named Pepsi. 

Bubby also still does science, but infinitely more chaotic considering his freedom from containment at Black Mesa. Dr. Coomer picked boxing back up, training with Bubby and establishing a not-underground fighting club, and in turn gaining a larger, more diverse turnout. 

Benrey started painting, in a new yet unshocking way that fascinated the rest of the team. He paints with his Black Mesa Sweet Voice, manipulating the way he sings it out so that it would stain, and preserving the colours with varnish once he finishes. Admittedly, it’s a good method, it makes expressing emotions a bit easier for him, even if it takes time and is rather indirect, and he never has to deal with the struggle of mixing paints to make a new shade, since he just has to think of the right colour and sing a bit out. Of course, that’s not all, Benrey still spends tons of his time playing video games, sometimes with various other members of the Science Team, and occasionally he just takes walks for multiple hours, taking in the surrounding world silently, and his friends know that it’s not from boredom. 

And Gordon, the leader of the team, spends half of his time taking care of Joshua and checking up on the rest of the group, ever the mother hen. The rest of his time, however, he either plays new video games or researches literally anything he can think of, as much as possible, reading the first articles or encyclopedias or whatever books he grabs, taming his ADHD and PTSD by blocking it out with curiosity and the satisfaction that came with learning fascinating information. He sings, too, a constant need for domestic background noise brought on by anxiety. He sings with and without music, just idly, not noticing he’s doing it half of the time. The Science Team considers it cute, and Gordon denies doing it like he tends to do with things he’s self-conscious about. 

Another thing quickly became a part of the Science Team’s life, one everyone whole-heartedly agreed on and enjoyed. Not too long after Benrey showed up, they all decided to start meeting up twice a month, for a whole weekend, usually at the Boomer’s house. No specific activity is ever decided earlier than two or three days in advance. The team just spends two days enjoying each other’s company, doing whatever they feel in the mood for, fooling around, and not forgetting for a second to be grateful for it. They haven’t taken a single moment for granted since they escaped Black Mesa. 

And that’s where Gordon finds himself now, walking up to the front door of the Boomer household, steeling himself to be targeted by a barrage of insults from Bubby for being late. He rings the doorbell.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The close group of friends lies in a tangled mess on a pile of beanbags, blankets, and pillows arranged on and around a couch, watching Star Trek. Well, most of them are watching. Gordon zones out, idly contemplating how his life has been going and how he got to where he is now. Four months have passed. Four and a half, really, the team had already met up once this month. He sinks back into a beanbag, curling up against Tommy’s right side. The fingers on his right-hand prosthetic flex slowly, a reassurance that things worked out okay in the end.

So why does he feel like there is a thread holding everything in place, and it’s about to snap?

Gordon shakes his head and yawns, pushing off the feeling. He probably had too much coffee that morning, a bad combination for his anxiety and ADHD, even with medication. Yeah, that’s likely all it is. He resolves to start drinking black tea instead. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bubby sits up in the pile of assorted cushions and blankets the group fell asleep on. He looks around with unease, able to see perfectly fine in the dark, yet for some reason, tonight, it is still unnerving. He takes Harold’s hand, tracing a thumb over the ring on Harold’s hand. He glances down at the matching one on his own hand and smiles slightly, soothed by the feeling of finally being free to be with his partner more concretely. Harold stirs under his touch, and Bubby leans down to kiss him on the forehead, letting his unease slip away and be replaced by love for his fiance. 

He lays down once more, wrapping his arms around Harold, and falls back asleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tommy wakes up to gentle sunlight streaming through the burlap curtains, warming his face and the air around him. He hums and nestles in a bit deeper into the beanbag he’s lying on, not quite ready to get up yet. 

With his own sudden movements, Tommy realizes that everything feels unnaturally still, as if everything is frozen, but not in the way he and his father could do. It was as though everything was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen.

Tommy tries to block out the unsettling feeling and clears his throat, sitting up and looking around. Benrey lay asleep on some blankets, and Coomer and Bubby lay in each other’s arms on a beanbag. Despite that all, he couldn’t shake the uncomfortable feeling, and so he laid back down, and fell back asleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Darnold’s hands tighten around his mug as he sits at the kitchen table with Gordon, waiting for the waffles they decided to make to finish cooking. He taps his fingers on the edge of the table, jittery, and dimly he wonders why he’s brimming with so much nervous energy.

Anxiety is not a new concept to Darnold, he’s known he has anxiety for ages. For some reason, though, he feels as though he can’t attribute the apprehensiveness to it, which only makes him more anxious. 

The waffle iron beeps, startling him from his thoughts, and Darnold jumps, startled by the sudden sound. Gordon looks at him questioningly, and he waves it off, laughing slightly. 

He decides that the jumpiness was simply from waiting for the waffles to finish cooking but being too sleepy to keep track of time. The anxiety doesn’t go away for some time later until the rest of the team joins them in the kitchen for breakfast, but Darnold decides that it’s residual anxiety from the beeps of the waffle iron startling him out of his half-asleep state.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Harold Coomer stands outside on the patio of his and Bubby’s house, watching the rest of the team chat as he makes lunch on the grill in front of him. He smiles as boisterous laughter sounds from the group at something someone says, and sighs. 

Bubby walks up behind Harold, slipping their arms around him and setting their chin on his shoulder in a hug. He jolts at the sudden touch, having zoned out without noticing, and chuckles a bit. Bubby leans their head against his and he turns to give them a kiss on the cheek in greeting, picking a spatula back up to focus on the food before it burns. 

In the back of his mind, he wonders why he jumped so much from Bubby greeting him silently the way they often do. Harold was never a particularly high-strung individual, remaining calm throughout most of the trip through Black Mesa. The only times anything got to him were his hallucinations, when his stress would add up enough to spill over and he wouldn’t be able to contain them any longer. There was no reason for him to feel right now like he did back in Black Mesa, when the stressful situations would add up slowly and build into a towering mass of unease waiting to topple over. The only explanation Harold could think of was PTSD acting up again, which was unfortunate.

His fiance notices his mild restlessness and asks for Harold to tell them about grasshoppers. Appreciative of the distraction, his face melts into one of delight, and he begins recounting the information he learned over the years, stored in an article of Wikipedia which he recites word for word.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Benrey stands outside, facing away from Dr. Coomer and Bubby’s house, looking up into the sunlit forest. He listens to the idle forest chatter around him mix with the delighted banter of the Science Team, and revels in the peace he feels. It’s a peace like he’s never known, not before getting through the Resonance Cascade aftermath. 

He’s safe, no longer contained by Black Mesa, he can finally experience the world like all of his friends do, and the thought of it is thrilling. Benrey smiles contentedly and releases a calming breath. 

The shadows around the forest floor flicker.

Benrey’s serene expression shifts to one of confusion as he glances down and around. Nothing is out of place, but the feeling of something being off doesn’t leave. He casts his senses out to see if there was anything that could have made something like that happen. His search comes up empty, and Benrey frowns, a bit perturbed. The feeling is still there, settling deep in his chest, an ache spreading through his lungs. He lets loose another breath and feels the anxiety wash over him, unrelenting, a low din in the back of his mind chanting “Something’s wrong. Something’s wrong. Something's wrong.”. 

Benrey turns to the left, not wanting to move from his current spot, and sings out a huge plume of dark gold and black (golden black song means something is wrong) sweetvoice, and shudders. 

He knows there’s nothing else he can do, he couldn’t find anything with his senses, and there was no indication that something was actually wrong. Benrey shrugs and walks back to the house.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Science Team sits around a dinner table, chatting and making jokes, and enjoying the moment. A secret unease hovers over all of them, each one not wanting to ruin the moment by sharing their concerns, yet the group can’t help but feel as if they’re waiting for some hammer to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *chuckles evilly* >:3c  
> Btw the next chapters will all almost definitely be longer. Idk how soon I'll have the next one up, looking at the way I hop between fics bc of my ADHD, but I actually have this one planned out the most, it's just that I have exactly 5 chapters planned of the first arc and they're all long motherfuckers and I'm going to torture everyone by giving an intro and then writing four more huge chapters for a long amount of time. <3


	2. Are You Still There?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy's mounting anxiety is not unfounded. Tension grows, and the Science Team has to do some pseudo-detective work.   
> Warnings for this chapter: Medication mentions, medication withdrawal mentions, self-isolation mentions, detailed discussion of someone missing/disappearing, blood/violence mention/implications towards the end. Tangible anxiety if you're an empath like me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck it I'm impatient and couldn't wait any longer to upload this one. Not beta read this time but I read it over myself a few times and again, I'm impatient. I've had this written for days.   
> I've started writing the second arc of this story, so far there are three arcs to this story that I have planned out ranging from detailed to vague ideas. I'm gonna switch between writing chapters and developing the plot when I have a writing mindset that's compatible with this story. It's the one I have most developed idea-wise, but my main fic (Time Heals Wounds) is still my top priority. <3  
> Enjoy!

A week later, Gordon returns home after dropping Joshua off at his ex’s house for the following two weeks. He checks the kitchen to see if he needs to go to the grocery store, and seeing a nearly empty fridge, throws his jacket back on, resolving to get the chore done and over with as quickly as possible. On his way out, he decides it wouldn’t hurt to drop by Tommy and Darnold’s to see if they want or need anything. 

Darnold, answering the door decked out in lab safety equipment, replies with a simple “No thank you” and wishes Gordon luck on the trip. Tommy answers the knock on his door enthusiastically, chatting with Gordon for a few minutes about the events of the day, and when Gordon gets around to asking whether he wants any groceries picked up, he shakes his head in response and says “No- no, we’re all good on that front, Gordon!”, only to be overpowered by Benrey’s staticky voice yelling “gamer juice” from the couch a room over. 

Gordon laughs lightly and nods, saying that he’ll see them later. He makes his way down the rest of the flights of stairs to his car and hums an ABBA song under his breath, with hopes to get back before dinnertime. He’d been looking forward to watching a series, only holding off because it wasn’t particularly age-appropriate for Joshua.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s Monday. Tommy visits Darnold to work on a new science experiment, Darnold is developing a new potion and asks for assistance with developing the formula. Benrey works on a painting they’d been working on for the past week or so; it was meant to be calm, but since the team meetup, there have been a mess of nauseatingly neon colours accidentally mixed in, underlying anxiety shining through. Bubby and Coomer go on a date to a nice restaurant, seafood of a sort. Somehow, they aren’t kicked out. The live sealife, however, is discovered to be missing the next day. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s Tuesday. Benrey texts Gordon to see if he wants to play Mario Kart with him and Tommy. He doesn’t receive a reply, but assumes Gordon must be too focused on something to check his phone. It’s happened before, not an uncommon occurrence. He and Tommy play Mario Kart without Gordon. Dr. Coomer holds his weekly boxing club meeting, the club constantly growing in size. Darnold goes over to the Boomers’ house to test some questionable potions with the assistance of Bubby. They take a lot of notes, and some progress is made.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s Wednesday. Tommy’s a little worried to not have heard from Gordon in three days. He’s gone silent before, but usually either at the expense of his health or because of it. He could be hyperfocusing on something again, which worries Tommy because he sometimes forgets to do necessary things, like eating or sleeping, when he does. Or he could be doing unwell mentally, either from a returning wave of PTSD or just from regular depression or anxiety. Tommy trusts Gordon to take his medication, but he still can’t help but worry, because if he gets bad enough, he doesn’t care for himself. Benrey reassures Tommy that Gordon’ll be fine, and they spend the day wandering a park with Sunkist. Darnold continues vir experiments, this time with the assistance of both Bubby and Dr. Coomer. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It’s Thursday. Darnold finalizes the potion, planning on showing it to the Science Team in a few days when they all meet up for their bi-monthly get-together. Benrey plays through Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, infodumping to the visiting Dr. Coomer about the Elder Scrolls timeline. Bubby practices blowing some things up by mixing their knowledge of chemistry and their pyrokinetic skills, with spectacularly violent results. Tommy finally decides to go check on Gordon, his anxiety growing too pressing to ignore. The Science Team all have keys to each other’s apartments and houses because of anxiety and PTSD, so Tommy figures it’s not too much of an intrusion to go check on his friend.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tommy stands in front of the door to Gordon’s apartment, apprehension washing over him. He’s not sure why he’s so nervous, it’s not like this hasn’t happened before, and he was never this jittery over it. Taking a deep, pacifying breath, he knocks twice on the door as a courtesy and twists the key, nudging the door open. 

Kicking his shoes off and leaving them by the door, Tommy gives the apartment a cursory glance before heading into the kitchen. The whole place is surprisingly clean for someone who’s probably been in the place for three or four days straight. He sifts through the kitchen cabinets, checking to see how Gordon’s food supply is doing, as well as his medications. Food isn’t as well-stocked as Tommy had expected considering Gordon’s trip to the grocery store a few days ago. 

Then there’re the meds. Gordon keeps his medications in one of those little pillboxes split by days of the week and time of day. And the box is full. He hasn’t taken them in days. Tommy’s anxiety spikes through the roof. Sudden medication withdrawal is no good, even if Gordon hadn’t known beforehand, he’d have known after the Incident. If he’s not taking his meds…

Tommy shakes the thought off. He glances around a second time to make sure he caught every detail and notes the dirty, yet dry dishes in the sink. Weird, usually they’d be wet, or at least the sink would be. Tommy turns and heads to the living room.

The living room looks normal, mildly messy as always. A forgotten hoodie is tossed over the back of the couch, stray books litter the various pieces of furniture, a controller lays on the coffee table, off of its charging stand, the usual. Tommy holds a hand up to the TV screen, then to each console situated next to Gordon's TV. All of them are cold, as though they haven’t been used in a while. He adds the fact to his list of evidence.

Next, he checks the bathroom. At first glance, nothing is out of the ordinary, it’s not a mess and there are no questionable substances. Then Tommy realizes there’s just no substances, period. It’s dry in the bathroom, like the sink back in the kitchen. The only source of water is the toilet, which refills automatically like all normal toilets. The sinks and bath are bone-dry.

Tommy is sure something is wrong now. 

He checks Joshua’s room. It’s empty, like it always is in the two weeks Joshua’s with his other parent. No clues gathered, he moves onto the balcony, discovering nothing but unwatered plants. Having caught on, Tommy isn’t even surprised by the soil being dusty, and simply takes a second to water them for Gordon. It’s not enough of a distraction, so he moves to check the last room that could have Gordon or any information on him- Gordon’s bedroom. 

Anxiety growing more and more, he opens the door to the room. He’s not sure what he expected, but it’s not what Tommy sees. 

There’s nothing.

It’s not empty, per se, but rather weirdly organized, cold, and most importantly, missing Gordon. Gordon had made his bed at some point, and it's only slightly rumpled from where he laid on his back, likely staring at his phone. Most of his clothes are put away, with just a jacket hanging off of one of the bedposts. His PC is powered down, and his phone must be with him because it’s not in the room. 

Tommy draws in a sharp breath.

Gordon’s not home. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tommy sits on Gordon’s couch, fiddling with a fidget cube. The pieces aren’t coming together in his mind, no conclusion being reached besides the fact that Gordon’s not home. There's nothing out of the ordinary, and that's wrong. It shouldn’t be so clean and empty and dry, not if Gordon’s mental state is rocky. Or, if he was okay, it wouldn’t be as messy as if his mental stability was off-kilter, but his medication would be taken, and his fridge would be more properly stocked. It wouldn't be so dry and cold. He would be home. 

Tommy rubs his face, taking a steadying breath, then stands up, making a quick lap around the apartment to confirm everything he saw. Once done with that, he grabs a few of Gordon’s various oversized hoodies and his medications, then slips out of the apartment, clicking the door shut behind him and locking it once more.

He doesn’t move for another ten minutes, staring at the wall opposite of Gordon’s apartment, trying to process the situation and failing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A soft knock on the front door reaches Benrey’s sensitive ears, and they pause their game. As they go to answer it, they wonder who it could be; none of the science team had been planning on coming over, and Tommy doesn’t knock, since it’s his apartment. Benrey kicks a few pairs of shoes out of the way and opens the door.

Well, it is Tommy. His hands are full, though, holding a couple of… Gordon’s hoodies? He  _ had _ gone over to Gordon’s apartment… Benrey steps aside and motions for Tommy to come in. He walks in without a word, as if on autopilot, dropping the hoodies on a chair at the kitchen table along with a couple bottles of pills, and then sits down in front of the coffee table, perpendicular to the couch. The reaction concerns Benrey, Tommy tends to say hi at least somehow, and they gather that something must’ve gone wrong while he was at Gordon’s. They pad past the living room to Tommy’s room and beckon to Sunkist with a translucent teal bubble [aquamarine that’s clear means please come here], and lead her over to Tommy who pulls her in for a loose hug. 

Benrey fetches a glass of water from the kitchen for Tommy and sets it in front of him on the coffee table, then sits back down on the couch on the end nearest to Tommy, and silently unpauses the game on his Switch, waiting for Tommy to find his words.

Around two hours pass in silence, the only sounds coming from the occasional tap of glass on wood as Tommy takes sips of water, and the clacking of Switch controllers. Soon, though, Benrey’s eyes snap up to watch Tommy intently as he shifts his position, and opens his mouth to speak. He tries a few times, and finally manages to squeeze out a whisper, not hoarse, just quiet, the kind of quiet that hurts to hear because it’s so goddamn grave. 

“Gordon’s… gone.”

The phrase sends a shiver down Benrey’s spine, and their pupils contract as they furrow their brows at Tommy, waiting for him to continue. 

“He’s not in his apartment. Everything is cold a-and dry. He hasn't taken his medication in four or so days. We haven't seen or heard from him in three or fo- four. Four days. Benrey, did he not come home aft-after he went to get. Get.” Tommy pauses, untangling the mess in his brain to figure out the words he wants to say. “Get.. groceries? I was so sure he did.” He stares into the floor, guilt and nervousness threatening to spill over into a panic attack. He’s not looking for an answer. He stops, closes his mouth after a few deep breaths. He then looks down at the glass of water he holds and takes another sip. 

As he sets it down, dropping his hand back onto Sunkist and staring unseeingly at the floor in front of him, Benrey pulls out their phone and opens the science team group chat, and offers it to Tommy. Tommy’s posture slumps the tiniest bit, almost shrinking back, but he’s still too empty to react verbally. Benrey takes the phone back and instead, types out a message to the group themself.

[16:37]  _ Benny boy: _

**THIS IS IMPORTANT DO NOT IGNORE THIS NOTIFICATION IF YOU IGNORE IT'S BAD PLEASE.**

[16:38]  _ Benny boy: _

gordons missing. tommy isnt doing well, no words good rn but come over please and thank you go as soon as you read this.

Unsurprisingly, the text is seen immediately by everyone, besides Gordon. An all-caps text from Benrey means something’s up, and within ten minutes Darnold lets virself in, hurrying over and quietly sitting down to Tommy's left. Benrey gets up to refill Tommy’s glass of water, and Darnold puts an arm around Tommy, letting him lean on vir for added comfort. Another 20 minutes pass and Bubby and Coomer come in, not as quietly or gently as Darnold had, but definitely a lot more subdued than their usual kicking/punching/burning the door down, sensing the gravity of the situation. They sit on the couch, and Benrey takes a seat on the opposite side of the coffee table, across from Tommy. 

After a bit of a break, Tommy takes a gulp of water and relays the same information he gave Benrey to the rest of the team, albeit a bit more calmly. It takes all of ten seconds for Darnold, Bubby, and Coomer to process the information, and then the room explodes. In whispers, all three of them and Benrey start to argue about what could have happened, and as voices start to rise above quiet and the four get riled up, Tommy sets his glass of water down on the table. The abrupt noise startles them all into silence and they all apologetically turn to look at Tommy, whose eyes are glowing gold and streaking his face with tears. He sighs, and slumps forward a bit with a shake of his head, lacking the energy to stay stern. 

Darnold, Benrey, Coomer, and Bubby glance around at each other, expressions still distressed, then Dr. Coomer clears his throat. 

“Darnold, would it be alright if… if we used your laptop to trace the location of Gordon’s phone?” He taps his fingers on his knees. “I do believe he has it on him, and his location is always on in case of a situation in which he loses it, so he can later find it with GPS tracking.” 

Darnold’s face brightens a tiny bit at the suggestion, glad to be able to help more actively, and vi stands up, running a hand over Tommy’s hair before hurrying back to vis apartment to grab vis laptop. Benrey plays with some strings becoming detached from their hoodie with their claws. 

When vi returns, all five of them gather around the laptop, and Darnold weasels vis way into Gordon’s Google account, and goes through the tracking process. As soon as vi pulls up an address, Benrey inputs it into Google Maps on their phone, and it leads to the nearby grocery store, to which Gordon had gone four days ago. 

The team looks at each other with confusion written all over their faces, wondering why the hell Gordon’s phone, and potentially Gordon, would still be at the grocery store. Tommy is the first to stand, tossing on one of Gordon’s hoodies and grabbing his keys, and the rest quickly follow. Benrey glances into the kitchen, then also grabs a hoodie of Gordon’s and replaces their own hoodie with it. They quickly exit the apartment as well, locking the door behind them and teleporting down to catch up to the group. They all pile into Tommy’s warm yellow minivan, the space filling up quickly despite the absence of their leader, because Bubby and Coomer seemed to have thought that bringing a quarter of their whole arsenal of assorted weaponry in the back of their Cadillac was a reasonable decision. 

Ten minutes later, Tommy pulls into the parking lot of the grocery store and parks in a far corner so as to not catch too much attention. The occupants of the minivan hastily exit, and Tommy holds up his arm to Sunkist, who sniffs the sleeve of Gordon’s hoodie. 

Tommy bites his lip anxiously and asks, “Find him?” in a subdued voice. Sunkist nods and swivels her head around for a minute, then turns and trots off to the opposite end of the parking lot, Science Team in tow. She stops at the edge of the parking lot, where the asphalt meets grass and dirt, and gently picks up an object from the ground, dropping it in Tommy’s hands. He sucks in a breath, casting a glance around as if looking for more. 

Benrey shifts some height into their legs and looks over Tommy’s shoulder at what Sunkist gave him. The pitch-black reflective screen is shattered, but with the case, it is still recognizable as Gordon’s phone. Tommy presses the power button and it blinks on, no lock in sight. The last thing Gordon had open was his phone’s default phone app, with a group call to the Science Team pulled up, yet evidently never dialed. All six of them stare at the phone in silence for a while, as if something will happen if they just wait. The only thing that happens is the phone powering off due to a low battery, and Tommy sighs in defeat. 

The group spreads out to search for any other belongings of Gordon’s, but after twenty minutes spent wandering around the dimly lit parking lot, it was evident that nothing else was to be found. They meet back up at Tommy’s car, and all take a moment to think, drink some water, and breathe. Benrey sits on the pavement, crossed knees pulled to their chest, singing troubled sweetvoice into the evening sky. Tommy sits in the driver’s seat, facing outside, sipping from a bottle of water Darnold offered him and running his left hand through Sunkist’s fur. Bubby stands with his arms crossed, leaning against his fiance, who seems lost in his thoughts, likely recounting the past four days, scouring for clues. 

During the five minutes or so of rest, Bubby is hit with a stroke of genius (though he will deny it under the claims that everything he does is genius). Motioning for the Science Team to gather closer together, he pitches an idea to the group.

“What if we ask the store workers if a car was towed within the past four days? They probably have a record of at least license plates, and one of us is bound to remember what Gordon’s shitty license plate was.”

The team’s eyebrows raise collectively at that, and Benrey nods, taking the lead with Bubby and Coomer towards the grocery store. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As it turns out, there  _ had _ been a car towed three days ago that matched a description of Gordon’s car. After inquiring about what company had done the job, the Science Team thanks the employees who helped them out and they all settle back into Tommy’s van. He starts the engine, wincing at the loud noise, and Benrey pulls up directions to the parking lot where Gordon’s car should be kept. They arrive half an hour later as the sun sets, moths flickering under lamps reminding of a somehow better-yet-worse time a few months before. 

They set about walking through the maze of cars, until Sunkist picks up a scent and pulls Tommy away in a beeline across the lot, and the Science Team hurries after them. A five minute half-walk, half-wild goose chase after Sunkist, they reach Gordon’s car.

Or rather, what’s left of it. If it hadn’t already been a shitty, old, dad-vibe car, Gordon would’ve likely been very upset at the state it’s in. Every window is shattered, glass dusting the interior. There are bumps and dents and scuff marks and slashes covering every surface, marring the exterior of it nearly beyond repair.

Benrey teleports onto the uneven roof of the car and glances over it from a vantage point that opens up visibility to a lot more extensive damage. What’s more, they see in the dim light of the old street lamps that the hood of the car has multiple bloodstains on it. Not the kind you’d get from a deep wound, or something like getting your hand cut off, but more of a set of smudges from a rather intense fistfight. Benrey wonders what happened, what kind of fight Gordon could have gotten in where he came out with bleeding bruises and a broken nose and scratches that were just shallow enough to not need stitches but enough to bleed profusely. Benrey knows the kind of fight that had occurred, they’d been in plenty themself, and the way the lacerations and blood cover the car… they shudder and call to the group below them, who currently are picking carefully through the interior of the car. 

As they all look up, Benrey simply sings out some light grey sweet voice for illumination [grey like mist means look at this] and points wordlessly at the hood of the car. The team follows their gaze. 

All of their faces uniformly fall stone cold as they register the dried blood smeared on the rusted metallic surface. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a bit of fun with the chapter names now, as you'll see with this one and the next. I hope this chapter didn't suck too much, sorry for another cliffhanger! <3   
> (genuinely I am sorry bc it can get to be too much sometimes but at the same time I'm trying so hard to get it right so it's not the bad kind of anticipation. so I'm not sorry if it's the good kind of suffering but I am sorry if I'm doing a bad job and it's shit to read and wait. /gen)  
> *gives you all a soft hug* have a good day, mwah! /p  
> I officially cannot confirm when the next chapter will be whatsoever because I have lost my grasp on the concept of time :)


	3. Look, Readers, We've Made It Black Into Back Mesa!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title sums it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cast spell of neopronoun *points one of those fake rose guns and shoots it at the science team, givign them pronouns as i please* hehehehehehehehehehehehehehhe gnengder >:3c
> 
> Trigger/content warnings for this chapter, roughly in order:  
> Blood mentions; implied violence/chance of death; medication mentions; missing limb mention (brief); weapons; mild/medium body horror(?)/inhuman abilities; remorseless destruction of potential enemy's property; sweet-voice induced mind control; violence, and blood! descriptive; not too detailed descriptions of death (but more than "this person dies"). 
> 
> that should be all, comment if you think more need to be added!  
> sorry for taking so long, i kept working on this dumb chapter between schoolwork but recently my body has decided that no i will Not stay awake past midnight no matter what the fuck i actually want so this is like. a week later than i had hoped to upload it. oops  
> enjoy this accidentally-too-long chapter that doubled my fucking word count again <3

The presence of blood on Gordon’s car’s hood confirms what the Science Team has been dreading this entire time- this was an orchestrated event, someone had attacked him with express intent, and he had either been kidnapped, or is… no one cares to finish the thought. Any thought that _had_ been completed is wildly chased away, though, when Sunkist leaps up and places her front paws on the hood of the car and aggressively _barks._

Sunkist only ever barks in stressful situations, as all of them had seen during both her brief capture by the French-Canadian Marine and during the fight with Benrey in Xen. Her barks always come with sweetvoice, and now some escapes her jaws as she angrily growls at the bloodstains before her. The colourful lights mix with Benrey’s in a mesmerizing, swirling cloud. In the first few barks, the colours shift from a dark blue to orange and then back to the original blue. Then, abruptly they change, becoming icy blue, and mix with the growing cloud of fairy lights as well. 

Tommy and Benrey, being the ones who read the sweet voice the best, peer at it intensely for a few moments, translating. As they process the new information, both of them briskly turn to face each other, then glance back at the cloud and down to Sunkist. Opening their mouths in tandem to explain, the two of them blurt out two different phrases at once, Tommy’s voice horrified and Benrey’s laced with contempt. 

“ _Black Mesa._ ”

“ **F o r z e n** _._ ”

It takes a couple of seconds for the other team members to process what was said, but once they untangled the exclamations, their faces display their emotions clear as day. Bubby’s face twists with rage at a level rivaling Benrey’s, Darnold’s eyes widen in fear, and Coomer’s expression turns near-impossibly ice-cold, fury swirling in his semi-artificial gaze. No one else speaks, they all know the same thought is running on repeat through each of their brains- _get Gordon back_.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Having obtained all the information they could at the moment, the members of the team head back to their respective residences. Tommy, Benrey, and Darnold take a few hours to nap, too restless to get any more but knowing that being exhausted won’t be of any help. After waking back up, they busy themselves with quickly packing essentials and making sure their apartments are in shape to be left alone for some amount of time. None of them want to think about the actual amount of time they’ll be gone, they all know they’re going in blind, and the intense worry coursing through all of their minds only solidifies the unsettling feeling of being kept in the dark.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Benrey takes a bit of time to change into more appropriate gear, having still been in his sweatpants and Gordon’s hoodie up until now. He digs through his closet until he finds the military-grade combat boots he’d been issued by Black Mesa so long ago. He’d hoped to never see them again, even if they were in good shape and fit his fashion aesthetic when he wasn’t wearing leisure clothes. All they ever brought up were bad memories, many, _many_ bad memories. In a way, it’s the most fitting choice he could make, he thinks, as he swaps his sweatpants for worn-in, scuffed black jeans and his t-shirt under Gordon’s hoodie for a grey turtleneck. He doesn’t feel very keen on parting with the oversized hoodie, so he simply shifts to be a bit larger and fill it as to not obstruct his movements later on. 

Returning to the closet, he once again digs through it, and after a bit of time, he finds the other two pieces of protective gear he’d returned from the dead with- his Black Mesa bulletproof vest and his beat-up helmet. Benrey looks down at them and sneers. _Never thought I’d have to see these pieces of shit again,_ is the sole thought that flits through his head, and he shrugs the vest on over the hoodie, clicking the clasps into place. He stares at the helmet now before him, contemplating whether to wear a hat under the cursed thing or not. Deciding he has nothing to lose if he does, he snags a beanie off of the dresser and pulls it onto his head, not bothering to put up his unkempt mess of pitch-black hair. 

He casts a quick last glance around his room as he shrugs a jacket on and pulls the sturdy boots up to lace them properly. Nothing stands out as important, and so he pulls a pair of fingerless biker gloves, shuts the lights off, and takes his helmet under his arm with his phone in his pocket. Before leaving the room, as an afterthought, he finally releases the sweet voice that had been building up in his throat the whole time he’d been getting ready. A flood of grey-ish red [dusty red means I’m full of dread] spills from his mouth, more than he expected, washing the room in a muted crimson glow. The note drags on for multiple minutes, and as it tapers off, Benrey grimaces and steps out of the room with a resolute expression, shutting the door soundly behind him. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tommy spends most of the time the three give themselves to pack sitting at the kitchen table staring at the handful of bottles containing Gordon’s medications. He can’t decide if he should bring them with him, and how much if he does. On the one hand, Gordon needs his medications, the Black Mesa Incident was substantial proof of that. On the other hand, though, Tommy has no idea when they’ll find him- _if we find him at all,_ a traitorous piece of his mind whispers. It’s not that they expire quickly, but he could end up needing to carry first aid supplies, or ammo, or… something else. 

He glances across the kitchen to where a first aid kit stands on full display. It’s not a very typical kit, since the Science Team is _far_ from typical. With the immense effort of someone who lacks the energy to do anything more than exist, Tommy stands from the chair he’d been sitting in for an hour by now, and walks over to the first aid kit, unlatching the lid to peer at the contents. He wagers that he could fit all of the medication into one or two pillboxes, making them much more travel-friendly, and if he rearranges the contents a bit, he could fit the meds in without removing anything. Practically on autopilot, Tommy spends the next half hour on the task, methodically sorting and arranging the contents of the first aid kit to accommodate for the two pillboxes he chose to use. 

Once done, he checks that off of his mental checklist, proceeding to the next task, turning off unneeded appliances around the apartment. As he walks past Benrey’s bedroom, he hears rummaging and muffled curses, but since neither are an uncommon occurrence, Tommy decides to leave him be, trusting Benrey to turn the lights off before leaving. 

Tommy cleans out the fridge, setting aside anything that would spoil, even if it was in the fridge, if left for too long. He makes Benrey, Darnold, Sunkist, and himself a quick dinner with what he can out of the set-aside things, so as to not waste all of it. He continues down his list of mundane chores, taking his mind off of the lurking panic attack that threatens to set in if he lets himself sit and think for too long. As he finishes up the last task, he takes a second to get his thoughts cobbled together in a loose pile, reaching for some semblance of control. Worrying about Gordon will keep him going, but baseless panic will not, and so he wrings the last of his panic attack out through his hands, then busies himself with changing into appropriate attire for the impromptu trip. 

The hoodie he’d taken from the pile he’d brought from Gordon’s apartment is not an article of clothing he can bear parting with at the moment, so instead, Tommy wraps a loosely knit scarf around his neck and pulls on a windbreaker over the sweatshirt. Simple pants and sturdy walking boots are deemed fit for the trip, and as Tommy is checking over the things he and Benrey are bringing with them one more time, the other steps out of his room with a grimace on his face and shuts the door. Tommy tilts his head at him in a nonverbal question, and Benrey nods in return. Satisfied, Tommy shoulders the bag he’d offered to bring along and steps into the hallway of the apartment building, holding the door for Benrey and Sunkist. As they exit to wait for Darnold, the door clicks shut behind them with unnerving finality. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Darnold’s apartment is pretty much 75% laboratory, so the majority of vis time is spent cleaning up and putting away equipment and materials in a hurried but organized fashion. Vi treasures vis laboratory greatly, but while leaving it unattended for an unknown but likely long amount of time is worrying, Gordon’s disappearance is infinitely more so. As vi dries the recently washed beakers and test tubes with practiced hands, vi runs through vis stock of potions in vis mind. It would be as good a chance as any to test some of the more volatile ones, the ones Darnold had been saving for when vi got the identifications needed to gain access to a proper testing range. Drs Bubby and Coomer had offered their backyard, as always, but vi wasn’t planning on risking their house more than they already risk it themselves, especially since the potions are all prototypes or untested.

Deciding to follow up on the idea, Darnold finishes up drying and storing the last of the equipment and goes to vis storage area to find a padded satchel to carry the majority of the potions in. Vi has multiple, but some are a bit worse for wear than others, and if vi’s honest, vi just wants the special one vi has stored away for important occasions. _I guess this counts as an ‘occasion’,_ Darnold thinks, pulling the desired bag out from the depths of vis closet. Vi holds it at arm's length, inspecting it to see if it’s in adequate condition. It definitely is the largest of vis assortment- a sturdy canvas messenger bag with temperature-controlled sections and side pockets for equipment, and the padded strap is made to double as a bandolier for an array of smaller tubes and bottles.

Satisfied with vis find, Darnold sets the bag down beside a fridge and goes to quickly change into practical clothing. Vi pulls on a turtleneck sweater over a plain long-sleeved shirt but chooses to stay in the dress pants vi’d never gotten out of the habit of wearing to the lab even after Black Mesa. Turning towards vis protective equipment, vi slides on the new pair of rocket boots vi’d made in the months since the Incident, having gotten vis original pair damaged in the careful escape from the facility vi’d made after meeting the Science Team in vis laboratory that highly stress-inducing day. Vi tightens the buckles that keep the boots secure and sighs, standing up to pull vis lab coat on as vi thinks back to that moment.

Vi’d known Tommy beforehand, through occasional interactions spurred by some of vis more flavorful projects. Vi’d known Dr. Bubby as well, but Bubby had been everywhere, having been given the unique position of all-encompassing scientist by Black Mesa. Vi knew the two well enough to know that Dr. Bubby preferred chemistry and astronomy to other branches, while Tommy very much would have preferred to be in Biological Research as opposed to HR. What had been a surprise to vir was when those two scientists had entered vis lab via elevator with _three more people_ , one who was _missing a hand_. Needless to say, it had been an overwhelming experience, and the sudden change had been too much for vis anxiety to handle. Hence, vis escape. Darnold shakes vis head to clear away the memories and focuses instead on pulling a pair of insulated, elbow-length gloves over the layers of sleeves vi’s wearing and sliding modified safety goggles over vis eyes.

Before vi begins the final bit of packing, vi refills the automatic feeder and water bowl vi’d made for Pepsi, and makes sure nothing is out of place in a manner in which it could harm itself on accident. It weaves between vis legs as vi does so, having returned from a walk along balconies, and vi runs a gentle hand down Pepsi’s side as it turns its attention to the food before it. With a gentle smile, Darnold turns vis own attention to the refrigerator-adjacent room vi stores all of vis potions that require temperature control. Face settling back into one of anxious determination, vi begins to fill vis bag with every potion vi feels might come in handy.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The trio, along with Sunkist, drives to the Boomers’ house in silence, all of them too tense to carry a casual conversation and too worried to comfortably discuss the kidnapping. It’s almost exactly six in the morning when Tommy’s minivan pulls up the long driveway leading up to the deceptively normal house, and none of the team feels even the slightest bit tired. 

Bubby greets them at the door, silent for once, and steps aside, ushering them through. The four of them follow the pyrokinetic scientist through the house to the kitchen, where Coomer is finishing up his breakfast while simultaneously fiddling with a panel on his left arm, evidently performing last-minute maintenance on his cybernetic enhancements. Bubby knocks on the doorway connecting the living room to the kitchen, and the preoccupied man looks up, a kind smile spreading across his face.

“Hello Tommy, Darnold, Sunkist, Benrey! It’s good to see you again so soon! Bubby, will you help our friends choose and pack their preferred munitions? I will be just a moment, I must finish breakfast!” He glances down at his arm. “As well as my recent software upgrade. Armory is in the second basement, do take care!” With that statement, Dr. Coomer directs his attention back to the wirings and such in his arm, and Dr. Bubby turns to walk in the direction of the basement entrance, waving for the others to follow with a gruff “Let’s go”.

Everyone in the Science Team knew of the Boomers’ second basement, of course, it was where they’d stored their own old weapons they’d brought back from Black Mesa after all of them had settled into their own new housings. Coomer had mentioned the location as a common courtesy. As the four members sort through the various firearms and weapons, Sunkist sitting by a wall out of the way, they idly discuss their theories on why specifically _Gordon_ had been abducted. 

Bubby is of the opinion that the association wanted some form of petty revenge against the Science Team because of their less-than-quiet escape after the Resonance Cascade, and had chosen Gordon because he’s their unofficial leader. Tommy offers a more hopeful option, that perhaps Black Mesa wanted to ask him about his experiences in Black Mesa after the incident. Darnold, not sure at all of what intentions Black Mesa could possibly have, still says that maybe they had wanted to rehire him, but were too scared to ask in a situation that he could have disengaged from with not much difficulty. Benrey, strapping a gun holster to his thigh in a familiar position, simply shrugs and mutters that it doesn’t matter what reason they had, they “fucking suck” and them taking Gordon was the last straw. 

Soon, Coomer walks in, fully prepared, and gathers a few of his preferred guns, adding to the team’s theorizing that maybe Black Mesa needed Gordon to take care of more aliens, seeing as how good he was at it before. Benrey decides to be a bit more compliant and offers the idea that maybe they had wanted to know about what was up with Gordon’s gun arm back in the research labs, and how he had ended up with a completely different prosthetic now. To that, however, Bubby retorts that if Black Mesa had wanted to know about the gun arm they would have found Darnold, instead, and that most likely the research facility just wanted to use the man as leverage against them or something. Given their mutual history with the lack of morality Black Mesa exhibits, Benrey can’t find it in himself to disagree with the lab-grown ‘perfect scientist’.

Once the group of friends is sure they’ve packed to the desired extent, they load into Tommy’s van one by one, letting Sunkist get settled over their feet with their weaponry in their laps. Tommy pulls up the directions to the likely destroyed research facility from the depths of his memory, and they start the two-hour road trip back to the location of their week of hell five months earlier, discussing more theories as they drive.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

None of them had expected to ever have to return to the now-ruined research facility, and none of them are particularly overjoyed about being there now. The feeling of revulsion only grows ever stronger as Tommy’s buttercup-coloured van pulls up to what used to be the main entrance to the facility grounds, now simply mangled scraps of wire fencing, broken concrete and rebar, ruined machinery, and shattered glass scattered among the crumbling mesa walls surrounding the area. The drive becomes drastically rougher, causing the Science Team to jolt repeatedly as Tommy maneuvers them through the debris. 

After another twenty minutes of driving through headache-inducing terrain, Tommy pulls up to the Green Line beginning tram station, the ground unfortunately not smoothing out in the slightest. The team exchanges glances, and Tommy’s grip on the steering wheel tightens slightly. 

“It’s going to be a pain in the ass, neck, and everywhere else to get thr-through this place; would you guys rather walk or do I keep going?” His voice is steady, but Tommy’s anxiety still shines through the words, and he taps his fingers on the steering wheel to center himself. “I can find places to drive where there are roads and, and, proper ground, but there’s debris covering this broken-down place like dust covering a h- an abandoned mansion.”

Taking initiative, Coomer clears his throat. “That sounds like a good idea, Tommy, let us try that, and if we get stuck we’ll simply figure it out on the go.” Tommy casts a glance around the car to gauge the rest of the group’s reactions, and at the confirming nods, nods in return and eases the minivan back into motion, making his way to the clearest road within sight. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The next hour consists of a harrowing journey through the ruins of the Black Mesa Research Facility, which turns out to be in even worse condition than it had been at the time the Science Team had left it, even with the effects of the Resonance Cascade, barrages of Marines, and five months of time. The facility had evidently been more thoroughly cleansed; no aliens, employees, military, or others in sight. Most of the buildings are absolutely decimated, turned to broken down walls of concrete, stone, and steel, indistinguishable wreckage making driving difficult. A plus side of the ruined complexes, however, ends up being that the group can see farther around the area, well enough to see the remains of the hydro-electric dam by the yawning canyons to the south. 

This new expanded range of sight is what allows Benrey’s keen eyes to spot a lone, decidedly _not_ destroyed building in the direction of the Lambda complex. He pulls his knees up to his chest, pinning himself between the dashboard and the back of the passenger’s seat, and pokes Tommy to get his attention. Once the taller scientist glances at Benrey with a questioning tilt to his head, the eldritch being lets out a single bubble of greenish sweet voice [clear pear means over there] and points to their left, pointing out the solitary structure in the distance. 

Tommy follows his indication and gasps quietly as he processes the new information. A new look of determination passes over his face, and he focuses intently on the road before them, acknowledging Benrey’s help with a firm nod as he begins to steer the minivan in the set direction. 

Not tearing his gaze away from the path through the rubble quickly being mapped out in his mind, Tommy clears his throat and announces to the team, “Benrey saw an intact building. I’m taking us that way, it’s in the Lambda complex area. Get ready, ready as… as a chicken waiting for its morning meal.” The other members of the Science Team give various hums of agreement and understanding, double and triple-checking their supplies and equipment. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

With a proper course set out, the six of them near the conspicuous building within twenty-five minutes, and as they draw close, Benrey realizes something, and after a second of deliberation, dully states, “This place is new. It wasn’t… it’s not part of Black Mesa, they built it after this shitscape was fucked up to all hell, ‘n stuff.” 

Bubby snarls, lip curling up in disgust. “Why couldn't they just _stay gone for once_.” 

Coomer nods solemnly in agreement, and Darnold sighs in response. The minivan gradually slows as the path to the building clears into smooth, new pavement, and when Tommy pulls into the pseudo-parking lot, it becomes glaringly obvious that the place is active, and has probably been for a while. A single, sleek, black SUV with tinted windows is parked beside the entrance; Tommy chooses to park as far away from it as possible. 

Meanwhile, Benrey rolls the passenger window down and sticks his head and shoulders out of the car, sharpening his senses. The car seems to be empty, not posing any threat. Inside the building, he senses two people, and tells the team all of this. At the edge of his senses, there are idle sounds being picked up as well, and at first, he thinks little of them, but as he relays his findings to the team, he notices a dissonant drone that doesn’t properly mesh with the hum on electronics and simple machinery that had made up most of the background noise. He makes a note of it, setting the information aside in his mind without mention. 

Tommy draws the car to a stop and shifts into park, turning off the ignition. Everyone checks their gear a final time and they all step out of the van, tense but prepared. Tommy clears his throat, drawing the rest of the team’s attention, and rubs his hands together as if he were cold, though Benrey figures it’s an anxious stim. 

“I know we brought more than we should probably carry,” he starts. “Would it be okay to put the extras in the void for now? I can set aside a small pocket for us, if you’re willing to help me, Benrey.” 

Benrey hums in assent, and the other members nod, setting down their preferred weapons to instead pick up the rest of what they’d rather keep stashed away. Tommy reaches his hand out to Benrey, and he takes it, shifting some of his energy from sharpening his senses to be ready for whatever his friend needs of him. Tommy closes his eyes, and as energy rolls off of him in slight waves, Benrey sends his own to him in the form of sweet-voice of a deep, vibrant, blue [deep azure means safe and secure], fueling the process. 

The air in front of them wavers as if the sun was reflecting heat off of the pavement, and slowly, a golden line splits the shaky area. Tommy’s expression tightens, eyebrows furrowing in concentration, and Benrey pours more energy into him as well. After another moment, the line splits, opening a square rift, not unlike a small version of the ones the team had gone through multiple times on Xen and had seen G-Man use on occasion; the glow, however, was much more golden than the radioactive green those ones had been. 

With an exhausted exhale, the taller eldritch being lets his muscles go limp, slack hand slipping out of Benrey’s grasp. The latter grins at his friend, proud to have helped. Coomer steps out of the vehicle behind the two, arms piled full of the remaining tools of mass destruction; enough so that he had to activate his Extendo Arms™ to contain the mass. Behind him, Bubby and Darnold hold the small number of leftovers that even he let them have in an attempt to share. Striding forward, the quasi-robotic doctor smiles appreciatively at the two eldritch persons who stand beside the small portal.

“Thank you, Tommy and Benrey! A helpful ability to have in times such as these.” With a genuinely pleased expression, Coomer extends his arms further, stretching them into the opening and dumping the large pile into the void. Benrey nods in response, and Tommy replies with a drained “It’s- it’s no problem, Dr. Coomer.” Bubby and Darnold follow Coomer, depositing their own hauls after the latter moves aside. 

First job done, Benrey draws his energy back in. An idea comes to his mind, one that in other circumstances he knows would get him in trouble, but the current situation is far from those kinds of circumstances. Movements smooth despite his stiff posture, he stalks over to the all-black car, shifting his hands into large, sharp, shadowy claws. 

A cruel glint in his eyes, Benrey stoops down to the wheels of the SUV, and promptly swipes his claws across the tires, completely shredding the tough material. A joyless smile tugging at his lips, he continues onto the next wheel, proceeding to slash the remaining tires as the Science Team waits and checks the door for any potential security measures. 

Tommy, having decided that there weren’t any traps or anything in place that could cause harm, passes his hand over the keypad, concentrating; then his eyes flash golden for a split second and he punches in a series of seven numbers, opening the door first try. Benrey makes a quick loop around the small building, checking for back entrances, then rejoins the rest of the Science Team, slipping in at the back of the group as Bubby takes over from Tommy and kicks the door open with enough force to send it flying into the wall with a startling _slam_. 

Before the recoil manages to make the door swing back into their face, Bubby storms through, sparks falling off of their fingertips. The rest of the group is quick to follow, dramatic entrance taking the building’s two occupants by complete surprise. 

One man sits in an office chair in front of a messy desk with a large multi-monitor security set-up on the wall over it; if Benrey were to describe his appearance he’d say that he looks like a mashup of a scientist and a secret service member- black dress shirt, shoes, and slacks, pewter grey tie, a lab coat covering his shoulders, and even an earpiece. The other man, leaning over the first’s shoulder, is a typical soldier, complete with body armour, combat boots, and camouflage fatigues. Both of them jolt up in shock, whirling to face the five human-adjacents and single oversized golden retriever as they barge in.

Dr. Coomer makes his way past Bubby with a placating hand on their shoulder, and greets the two men heartily, a diplomatic grin plastered over his face. “Hello, gentlemen! It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. We are looking for some assistance in finding a dear friend of ours, so if you would be so kind as to help us with any information you may have on his whereabouts, it would be very greatly appreciated!”  
  


As he speaks, the pair get about two seconds to start relaxing from their initially startled states before Tommy and Bubby both step around Dr. Coomer as he talks, eyes showing none of the politeness that covers Coomer’s face. Tommy pins the soldier’s arms behind his back with firm, steady hands, while Bubby roughly drags the scientist up from his seat with one hand at his collar and the other hand trapping both wrists in a tight grip that’s too warm to be a normal human’s body temperature, even in the New Mexico desert. 

Both adversaries quickly begin to struggle, but the pair holding them is prepared, and without missing a beat Tommy manifests a third arm and grabs some rope out of his bag, tossing a bundle to Bubby before taking one for himself and securing the soldier’s hands and arms tightly behind his back. Bubby catches the clump of rope tossed their way with ease, and proceeds to drop the scientist back in his office chair. To keep him from running off, they place a foot directly in the middle of his ribcage, pressing the man into the chair with near-excessive force. Both hands freed, Bubby also ties up their captured foe.

Darnold steps forward and strips the two of their weapons, tossing the pistols and shotguns to the floor. As the weapons clatter against the smooth concrete floor, Benrey separates from them, investigating the room. The building consists of a single room, which resembles a hybrid of a research lab and security office; multiple computer server setups, monitors displaying data of some sort, and a machine that Benrey would say doesn’t look unlike a seismograph. The only part of the room that seems slightly detached is a plain bathroom with the barest of necessities and a dingy cot in the far corner. 

Now Benrey moves with a purpose. The dissonant humming was still present, even louder now that he’s entered the building. He heightens his hearing, searching for the source, and tuning out the Science Team’s interrogations, stalks past them, and stops beside the far end of the security monitor display. Right beside the cluttered desk and flickering screens is something that looks like a cross between a shark cage and a corner shower; the one out of place feature being a control panel on the right side of the outward-facing end of the structure. Benrey’s eyes flicker back and forth between the panel and the electronics surrounding it, puzzling the arrangement out.

_Hurry up and stop fucking around._

The thought flashes through his mind like a shock of lightning, and Benrey narrows his eyes and swiftly flicks on the contraption, following the direction of the electric currents racing to and from the panel and pressing what he hopes are the correct buttons each time a signal seems to pause in wait for the next thing to activate. After a tense, laser-focused minute of flicking switches and turning various parts on, the low hum becomes much more prominent, rising in volume and splitting into an uncomfortable chord of the low hum and a new, higher buzz. He focuses his gaze back on the unwieldy metal structure as it whirs to life, neon blue bolts of energy crackling from both the top and the bottom of the chamber. As Benrey takes a cautious step back, the bolts connect, growing into a wavering, sparking beam of energy. 

Successful in his endeavour, Benrey turns back to face the team, discovering all of them had paused and had been staring intently at him and the contraption as he’d been working on turning it on. More questions seem to be streaming through each of their brains, but Benrey chooses to pay them no mind. Instead, he marches up to the restrained scientist and grabs him by the face, jerking the man towards himself in Bubby’s grip.

“ _Where does it go,_ ” he growls out, malice flashing in his iridescent eyes. Fear flits across the man’s face, but it is quickly replaced by icy defiance. He clenches his jaw visibly, and Benrey recognizes that he’s refusing to talk.

Narrowing his eyes, pupils contracting further into slits, Benrey digs the claws of the hand holding the man’s face into his jaw and throat, pinpricks of blood appearing as he snarls in his face. 

“ _Where. Does. The. Port. Go.”_

The restrained scientist twitches in pain, but his only response to the question is a vulgar curl of his upper lip, baring his teeth in contempt. 

Benrey’s patience runs thin, and he sends a stream of orange and black sweet voice [orange to black like a burning tree means fucking _listen to me_ ] into his face with a low growling note. The man’s face falls slack, all emotions except pleasant willingness to comply draining from him. Benrey smiles, all teeth and no mercy.

“Where does the port go. Tell me. With details.” he commands, and the man nods as much as he can in his tight grip. Benrey loosens his hand slightly, just enough for the man to speak properly, small rivulets of blood starting to roll down his neck. 

“On the left moni-monitors, open the program running in the background,” he instructs hoarsely, coughing a couple of times before continuing. Darnold steps up to the referenced screens, opening the icon floating at the bottom of the bottom-most left screen. 

“This program controls and monitors the teleportation device. If, if you go to the upper hand corner and open the menu, under locations it’ll show the destinations, and whichever you hover over will be displayed on the screen above this. This one.” Benrey nods in Darnold’s direction as the scientist recites the directions, and they follow along, clicking on the described areas. The location menu only brings up three locations, each wildly different from the others. As Darnold clicks through each one, the amiable man in Benrey’s grasp describes the locations briefly. 

“That one is… is our headquarters in Seattle, they take care of legal and governmental processes.” The second screen displays a reflective glass high-rise building, in the center of the large city, fitting in with the rest of the area. If not for the outright explanation, none of the Science Team would have been able to tell that it was a Black Mesa building. Darnold hovers the cursor over the second option.

“That’s our underwater research facility, off the coast of Guam.” The view consists of deep, deep blue water, the only other thing visible in the water being lights from a semi-obscured building complex made up of domes anchored in the ocean floor, curved tunnels connecting them. An expression of mild curiosity settles on Darnold’s face, but they shrug and move the cursor to the third and final option. 

“The counterpart to what used to be the facility here, in New Mexico, before it was… discontinued. It’s in upstate New York…” he trails off, and Darnold clicks on the third one while Benrey blows a couple more orange and black lights into the researcher’s face. 

Tommy chimes in, handing the soldier he’s holding down to Sunkist and leaning over Darnold’s shoulder to inspect the screens. “Is the New York fa- research facility bigger or smaller than the- th- the branch that used to be here?” The scientist nods and replies, “Smaller, but not by much. There wasn’t as much space available in the forests of New York as there was in the desert.”

“Is it near any cities or towns, or is it completely secluded?” asks Bubby. “How far from the nearest place?” 

The man sighs. “Farther from most medium to large cities, the nearest would be a few small towns each twenty or so miles away. It’s all backroads to get there by vehicle.” Bubby nods, their eyebrows scrunching up a bit. They turn to Coomer, tilting their head at the figure in their and Benrey’s hands in an offering manner. 

Dr. Coomer steps closer and nods, taking a moment to consider various questions. Settling on one, he inquires, “What are the areas of exploration of the main research branches in the New York Black Mesa Research Facility?” Benrey sends a few more lights into the man’s face as his cooperative expression begins to harden, and his eyes glaze over as he opens his mouth back up to answer Coomer’s question. “The five major branches of research are teleportation, first and foremost, along with xeno-geological analyses, foreign energy source studies, innovative mechanics and technologies, and biological modifications and enrichments with a xenobiotic sub-section.” 

The final branch has Bubby and Coomer exchanging troubled glances, and Benrey glares at the scientist before him. Inhaling sharply, he then looks up, looking each member of the group in the eyes with a silent question of agreement. Each of them nods, and once done, Benrey nods in return and sings a single, high-pitched orb of kaleidoscopic sweet voice at the tied-up scientist and as soon as the sparkling sphere hits, the man slumps over, dead [chromatic breath means death]. Benrey lets go of the body, Bubby following suit.

Dr. Coomer steps up and stretches an arm down to take the remaining hostage from Sunkist, who hands the roughed-up soldier readily. He shakes him to get his attention and then clears his throat to ask, “To your knowledge, was there a squad sent out to capture Doctor Gordon Freeman within the past week?”

The semi-conscious man rolls his eyes and scoffs. “Like I’d tell you.”

A sturdy fist clocks the soldier over the head, and the person responsible looms over him from behind, flames flickering across their skin. Bubby holds a heated palm to the man’s throat and glares down. “ _Talk_.”

Swallowing roughly and staring warily down at the hand held centimeters from his neck, the marine sucks in a breath and opens his mouth to speak, voice laced with disdain and fear. “Yeah, there was a goddamned crew sent to retrieve that asshole, they brought him through here a couple- a couple of days ago.” He sneers in disgust at having to share the information.

Tommy pipes up from where e stands with Darnold. “Was he alive? What was his condition?” Eir hands twist together in an anxious stim. The soldier snorts condescendingly, rolling his eyes. “No fucking clue. Who knows, and who cares? He’ll be better off dead than where he’s probably going, if he’s not dead yet in the first place.” He leans as far back as he can with Bubby’s hand still hovering over his throat and leers at the Science Team. 

Anger flashes in each of their eyes, but Dr. Coomer reacts the fastest and swiftly turns the man around in his grasp to face away from him. Without hesitation, he grasps one of the soldier’s shoulders in his left hand, pushing down, and _yanks_ the soldier’s jaw up with remarkable force, cleanly snapping his neck. 

The others show little reaction, if any, the most noticeable being Darnold slightly flinching involuntarily. Dr. Coomer gives a slight smile that doesn’t reach his eyes and drops the limp body of the marine on the ground, needlessly brushing his hands off on his slacks. 

“Well, friends, shall we continue on?” Coomer looks around the room at the rest of the group. Bubby nods, following Benrey, who had already made his way over, to the teleportation beam. Darnold takes a deep breath, centering themself, and glances up at Tommy’s concerned face, a reassuring look in their eyes despite the stress of the situation. Coomer follows his fiance after a moment, nodding at Tommy, Sunkist, and Darnold as he passes. A short burst of static-like noise echoes around the room as Benrey steps into the beam, the sound repeating when Bubby also walks through. Tommy and Sunkist make a lap around the room, checking for anything they could have missed, as Dr. Coomer disappears in the bright blue light next. Darnold stands beside the entrance to the teleport, waiting for their partner to finish eir check. As Tommy approaches them, squaring eir shoulders with half-forced determination, they also enter the beam; Tommy follows without delay, Sunkist on eir heels. 

The neon blue beam crackles in one last staticky burst and shuts off, dropping the room into semi-darkness; only a few of the machines and monitors remain shining dim light onto the mess of a room, scattered papers and equipment surrounding two unmoving bodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> /my head drops limply onto the table in front of me as my bones and muscles and things give out/ aauuuugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhfinished i hope you guys liked thissssss there's one more chapter of the first arc left and it's probably even longer than this shit bbhhbbbhhhhhhhh  
> i'm working on the detailed outline for arc 2 and i have plans in mind for arc 3 as well so the only thing that might make there be a longer break between arcs is the potential need for me to finish the outline before starting the next chapters /passes out because im exhausted/  
> whuh okay last thing if yall still with me holy shit thanks i know this one has been updated less often since its second to THW even with the chapters being generally a bit longer to start with but uh yeah smooches for all of you who actually care to read this fic bc i'm pretty goddamn invested in this story even though i know it won't get as much attention as my "oh my god they were roommates" fic (benrey trauma edition) since you know, angst and pain and not really any fluff yet but fuck it i like this concept my brain made happen and im gonna fucking share it /lh

**Author's Note:**

> Go drink some water, do something that makes you happy, and go get enough sleep. *kisses u all on the cheek platonically* mwah mwah I love u guys thanks take care <3 /p


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